The Unexpected Sleep

I don't like to sleep with people. Not in the same room, and especially not in the same bed. I usually don't want to get used to anyone. I usually don't care. I need time. Lots of it. 

With you...with you I just drift away into dreams. I would prefer to stay awake, because it's even better than in beautiful dreams. And you don't rush me into anything. I know it's new for you to take it so slow, but you still do it. Even more, you seem to enjoy it. So there we are, in the same big bed, that song playing over and over again, kissing and hugging and kissing some more, taking the clothes off even if we're cold, kissing all the time and then kissing some more. Your hand slides from my eyes, to my neck and breasts, staying there for a while, your cold hand giving me shivers on my tummy, carefully you move an inch lower, hold on my hipbone, almost confused and scared with not knowing how much further you should go... and you don't go... you repeat that way in the opposite direction... and like that for another two hours. Every now and then you stop and stare, you call me beautiful, you hardly dare to kiss me while I can't wait to accept that kiss. 

And then I fall asleep, somewhere in between, already smiling because I know you'll be there in the morning...

for those seconds youre mine

stealing brief moments when our hands accidentally touch
occasional smell of your hair
the longing of kissing you when your lips barely left mine
feeling of stupidity when in lack of words to make you smile

red spots you left on back of my neck a sore reminded of missing.

The Unexpected Once

I never wanted to do it in a car. It always seemed too we-have-to-have-sex-now-or-my-libido-will-explode. Still, with some guys I tried. But I stopped before the foreplay took its road. Then I met her. I knew she wanted to fuck me all over, I could see it in her eyes when she put on her slightly mean face and leaned herself back to the fence in the club, almost falling down into the crowd. I guess she wouldn't mind if you fell, she'd keep her badass look, get herself another beer and check out the body of the hot chick on the dancefloor.

So she came on to me, I told her to not even try because I am very much immune to her and the games she does. She played it somewhere between cool and hard. God knows it worked. 

She took me to a party. Just you and me, she said. Yeah right, I replied. So many chicks, some damn fuckable, some there just to make the place full. Still she never let me go, she danced around me, with me, pushing me to the wall and diving with her fingers to some rather forbidden places. Well, I'm not sure I could call them forbidden, after all, my thighs have been involved in many accidents. Ok, I'll stop being such a Mary Lou and say that if it wasn't for such a bloody conservative society we live in, I'd make all the shiny bulbs shine directly onto your hands on my breasts. I'm sure you wouldn't mind, probably it would be a reason more for you to do it. So much about low profile, huh?

I could hardly wait for the party to finish, the music wasn't that good in a first place and the drinks aren't so sweet when you're broke. So we left. Home. Of course. Where else. I couldn't keep my eyes of her neck. Or her lips, for that matter. We sat into the car, ignoring the fact that maybe we should talk a bit and went straight to kissing. She doesn't know how to kiss slowly, gently, at least not to my knowledge. She eats you, bit by bit, lip by lip, sometimes her teeth hit yours to the extent when you spontaneously move back. But you return right away. Her touch is the same. She grabs you, she has more passion in her than...ah, i don't know! She stripped me, not caring about permissions, so I did the same to her, we fought for control, I thought I won, but she stroke back, her head was above mine all the time, she stopped for a second to look me straight in the eyes, she looked down making me think that perhaps she has a soul, she fucked me so hard that I felt her in me for another week. It all lasted surprisingly short, but... I could swear the mountaines moved. 

What does it mean, if every time you are close to me

I get all nervous, 

I smile almost hysterically,

I only know how to look into the ground or into your eyes,

and when you take all the control and come closer

and you want to kiss me and that makes my organs shake inside?

Maybe it is easy to explain why all this...but I don't know...and I never felt all that...and no,  I will never confes it to you.

untitled

why dont you tell me to stop..

looking for you in the crowd
trying so hard to fix my eyes on something on streets below so i wouldnt stare into your eyes
messaging you stupid things so that youd reply
telling you to move closer cus id like you to tell me the same
finding every possible opportunity to touch you, even if only with my fingertips
wanting him to leave so that i could be at ease with kissing you

?

How you all confuse me sometimes. Sometimes like now.

Something made me think of all of you who ever touched me on a higher level than just coming close to my breasts. I guess it is boredome's fault. Maybe it's the music. I can put each and every one of you in a verse. At least how I feel about you in this exact moment. It's so much more than love or whatever that thing is called. It's the fact that you're not here and most probably nothing major will ever happen (at least knowing the sometimes retarded me), but it still feels like you're on my bed with me, just lying there, going through my hair with your hand because you know how much it callms me down and that I will eventually fall asleep, eventhough I hate to sleep with people around. I guess you are not people. Not even one person. Maybe I never even met you and you are just a construct I created in my mind because I needed something good. And all the bad that comes with it. Hum, I'm adult, a?:) I'm sorry, I got stuck only talking about you. Still, some people in my life, the past and the present...

So I go from

Oh we said some things that we can never take back, 
It's like a train wreck tryna hit the right track, 
We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe, 
But we shoulda drank it down while it was still sweet...

to

E se eu achar a tua fonte escondida
Te alcanço em cheio, o mel e a ferida
E o corpo inteiro como um furacão
Boca, nuca, mão e a tua mente não

and then you cross my mind with something only you can...

Do you remember me? 
I was the one that held you through 
I held the spotlight when you did that crazy dance
I danced with you, I felt like superstars do 
Me and you 
We're just like superstars 

And I could give more. But this already occupied my mind enough for tonight. And to fall asleep peacefully, I will finish the post also with you my I.wish.you.wouldn't.feel.so.good.in.my.mind.

But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real.

in my head im screaming "dont dare to move away"

when you leaned over to me and took me by surprise
moved your head close
breathed in deeply and sent shivers down my spine
tip of your nose touched mine
i could almost smell your skin
i close my eyes, letting things unwrap by themselves
your warm breath on my lips lingers
and after what seemed an eternity
your top lip touches mine
your bottom lip touches mine
i breathe in, welcome the feeling down there
our tongues meet
and..