and what did i do?

voices were screaming in my head so loud i had to almost put a pillow over my head to stop hearing them.
kiss her! kiss her, you fool! what are you waiting for?! are you crazy? she wants it, too! cant you see?!

but i didnt see it.
or maybe i did and chose not to. chose to ignore it.
all this time that i was ignoring what i really wanted to do at that time..
no, falling asleep and talking about my thumb was not what i wanted to do!
..all that time i was fighting goosebumps on my arms and on my back, my stomach was tying itself up in knots, not even houdini would get out of this one alive.

and there it went.
everything that we kinda, even if subconsciously, built up all evening was gone in one word.
"fine."

she turns away from me, lying on her right side, facing away.
id give her whatever she wanted just to know what she was thinking about at that moment!
she'll simply tell me she doesnt know any more, i know that by now.

and me?
i put my hand on her hipbone, too chicken to pull her face towards me and kiss her.